Find the Where where your Who is best

Why are you here? And why are you choosing to stay?

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

I am no stranger to moving around. Rather the opposite. I cannot imagine my life without it. But Berlin was my home for a good 6 years. I can hardly believe I was there for that long. When people would ask me back in my early years there, ‘do you think you’ll stay here for long?’ I’d always answer,’ I can’t see myself leaving but I can’t see myself living here forever.’ 

My first few years in Berlin were bliss, a whirl of late night dancing till dawn, bike riding, park chilling, lake swimming, romance. I lived fully in discovery and freedom, and had never felt more alive. But things changed and I changed and I saw more of what Berlin is, the sides that I don’t like, the heaviness in the gray walls of the city speaking to a painful past. Winters came and went with a force, forgotten with every summer, a vortex to be reckoned with. Moments where I felt lost added up. I sensed this shift and paid attention to those feelings.  

In my interview with Vero, Berlin based Coach, she says that one of the most helpful questions to ask ourselves in these moments of doubt is, why are you here? And why are you choosing to stay, even if only temporarily?  

Remembering why we are where we are can help us get grounded, and be grateful for what we have. And checking in with ourselves to see if we still want to be where we are, gives us an opportunity to reflect. Maybe it's time to go back, if that's an option, or to move somewhere else. By asking ourselves why several times, we'll eventually reach the core of what’s important to us. That might look like "safety", "freedom" or "connection". Once we have that information we can ask: how is the place where I live or the situation I am connected (or not) to what I value

So I started asking myself those questions. I had to sit with myself and be honest; Berlin wasn’t able to give me the things I needed, I had somehow outgrown it, I was forcing something, and everyday felt like groundhog day. I had this strange guilt for wanting to leave Berlin because I had invested so much time and energy, and it felt like a breakup I had to do but didn’t want to do. I still wasn’t sure if I should stick it out and make it work.

So I jetted off to South Africa to work remotely for a month. There was hardly a doubt in my mind that this was what I needed, some warmth, sun, a different perspective, and being on the African continent again. Going to South Africa was the final confirmation that it was time for me to leave, not only did I not miss Berlin but I had no desire to go back and beyond that, I had a deep ache for something more. That was as clear and daylight. 

I am conscious that in writing this, I am putting to paper some negative feelings towards Berlin but I hope that is not the takeaway here. What I am trying to express is the process of what it feels like to realize that it might be time to change your environment,  to understand how to notice that and to stay true to what your needs are, your growth,  and what your heart yearns for. This doesn’t necessarily need to mean moving to a new country. There are so many different aspects of our life that affect our ability to thrive. Even if it seems impossible, I am hopeful that whatever our circumstances, there is always something we can do. And don’t be fooled, whatever personal struggles you have in one place, will always follow you wherever you go. But perhaps you’ll have an environment that can better enable you to work through those.

I am grateful for everything Berlin taught me, for the people that came into my life through my time there, for the growth that I experienced.  Berlin allowed me to be who I am today, to be more open and free, to unlearn my own beliefs and to be more willing to accept others. I will always look fondly back on my time in Berlin. Where I am today is good, it’s not perfect. But I know that it is where I need to be, and it’s the Where where my Who is best for now.  

Priscilla xo